1) Courage- My Reflection

Entry #1 for self-discovery

If I told you that the reason why I'm choosing to type this online was to start a discussion,would you believe me? Neither would i. I just want to get out my thoughts on what I've thought about so far for the book "Big Magic: Courage Living Beyond Fear" and I do have to admit that at first, I thought this would help inspire me to write as one of those "HEY! I'LL SHOW YOU A WAY TO REMOVE YOUR WRITERS BLOCK YOU ARE CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW SINCE CLEARLY NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING AND THIS IS YOUR LAST RESORT TO SPEND MONEY ON AN ITEM THAT MAY NOT WORK" books but I was wrong. This book is about self-discovery and Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat,Pray,Love states that very clearly. I was intrigued because I had never bought an item that would help me bring back what I had felt like I had lost and this book CAN actually do that,however, I'll be testing that out for myself through this written series.

If one person read this or many people read this and want to give it a go with me, I highly encourage it.
This Post may be a long one,please prepare yourselves.

  My fear is unoriginal,what I fear is unoriginal. to fear darkness,strangers,spiders,clowns and anything else around the same level. In the world of harry potter during your third year you learn to confront and face your fears in defence against the dark arts using the spell and/or charm Riddikulus to turn something terribly negative,what you fear or your boggart into something positive. 
It's strange that after learning a few short essays in the "Big Magic" book can change your perspective on what seems so big at the time,It's a nudge to unlock your potential that's hidden away from yourself in order to fit into today's roles and standards of society. Well, guess what? Screw that! We shouldn't have to fit into the roles we're given and the unnecessarily high standards regardless of our age,gender,sexuality and everything else in between. 
I want to rediscover what I do have with the courage I now know had always existed and what I'm gaining along the way from this quest for our inner-self treasure (and hopefully a way to beat writers block while we're at it!) 
Fear is boring,but my fears are unoriginal.
What are your fears? Do you consider them to be original?
Leave a comment and share this post with your friends if you feel like you've gained anything or felt related to in any way and discuss.
Final Thoughts: Fear is good to have and it can be useful which is why it's instilled in us. Learning to live with it is another subject, though.
Creativity follows you wherever you head so, fear follows.
Like Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in the letter to her fear is that Fear is not allowed to help make decisions or control your life,you can have your voice heard as well as a place in this family of ours but you will not be the deciding factor in whether I do this thing,that thing or anything else. 
Let's get ourselves back to who we were and let's get back to writing once again before we were put in boxes,chained and dealt with those terrible trials and hurdles in order to get to how we are and relearn who we are today. 

  

Not So Sweet

Not So Sweet

a slam poem by Lindsay R.

"i'm a sweet girl who's going through alot right now. but Im willing to help with anyone's problems."

Let me explain a few things dearie, what you heard is clearly different from what you're hearing. 

You are not a sweet girl- you are the girl who cried pregnant about a million times throughout high school 

you're a compulsive liar who can't even keep a steady goal unless forced to.

and I'm sure you are going through a lot right now,no don't doubt about it in my mind

 not even the slimmest percentage.

Coming from the girl who just cried and constantly spread lies about others you claim to know but just used for your own selfish purposes.

You didn't have many friends and yet you were still popular around both parts of school

despite the rumors I still thought you were cool. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and you proved those rumors to be right. When you refused to go to the cops when you were raped 

by Chris, the man who lied about his age and two children to you. 

The man who torn your clothes apart and knocked on my door in tears that hot summer day.

You didn't give yourself a chance to any treatment at all to recover from the emotional trauma you may have had or actually do have. 

your parents are well off financially,they have the money to provide you help. 

you couldn't have had a normal conversation with them explaining what was going on. Don't you know that a mother always believes their child who said they were raped and abused sexually?

You refused to help yourself once again,but this time in the past,without self-respect and your whore ways

you could have had a better life for yourself. 

You had so many options,so many opportunities.

I realize you were just saying that to push those who want you to be at your best away.

You say that I'm the liar,but you had claimed to be domestically abused 

by a childhood mutual friend of ours and my brother.

There wasn't any evidence. But you constantly worried me so.

When I started distancing myself from you that's when I began to grow.

Observing your terrible choices and decisions as well as the consequences that came,

I am glad that my life has changed.

From a girl who can't accept help when she knows she truly needs it and lies compulsively.

Anyone who trusts you,your child who has to grow up with you.

will. be ashamed.

This is the girl who cried pregnant to one of the only honest few friends she had,claiming I've lied before

when you know I haven't.

have I held my breath?

Yes.

Have I lied?

No.

to the girl who cried pregnant, if you needed help up from a crumbling bridge

specifically the one on the rusted train tracks and unsturdied metal.

I wouldn't reach out my hand as you beg for mercy

because if i did you would personally be lying breathless inside a hearse on your way to New Jersey.

you say your brother and father had sexually abused you and that could be true, coming from the girl who cried pregnant but "She tends to lie a lot" what do I know?

i know that the girl who cried pregnant is an emotional abuser.

She  is a sociopathic User.

I beg you to stay away from her to prevent yourself from this scenario or she'll be spreading lies about you or someone you know.

the girl who cried pregnant Carrie Ann Beimler is a lie.

she claim's I want attention?

but I wouldn't give two shits if she died.